


Noise Complaint

by Salty_Mangoes



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/F, Implied Sexual Content, Inappropriate Humor, No Plot/Plotless, One Shot, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 21:13:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20021113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salty_Mangoes/pseuds/Salty_Mangoes
Summary: Bayonetta and Palutena receive a noise complaint. Other shenanigans ensue.





	Noise Complaint

**Author's Note:**

> This was funnier when I thought of it.

Palutena and Bayonetta had been asleep until a knock resounded at the door. 

They woke up and shook off any drowsiness remaining. Bayonetta half walked half dragged herself to the door, and opened it.

It was Little Mac at the door. Which was incredibly odd, he normally stayed with the other teenagers or trained alone. He was also blushing lightly. “Hey, sorry to bother you so early, but Master Hand told me to get you two..”

Bayonetta looked down at Little Mac, confused as to why the proprietor of the Smash Tourney would summon them. “I don’t know why he called for you both. Sorry.”

That’s even stranger, that Master Hand wouldn’t give his reasons. “Thank you Mac, we’ll head over soon.”

The world champion boxer nodded and headed off. No doubt for more training or to find Ike.

Palutena leaned into Bayonetta and nearly fell asleep there. “What was that about?”

Bayonetta shrugged, “The hand has summoned for the two of us. I suppose I’ll fix my hair and you can get ready and we’ll go.”

When the witch and goddess entered Master Hand’s office he seemed to be going over some papers in a folder.

He spoke to himself and the women realized he was going over profiles for potential bonus competitors.

“Let’s see...Dixie Kong, Phoenix Wright, Bandanna Dee, and Shantae.”

He was writing on the profiles. Dixie got a denied, Phoenix Wright got a potentially, Bandanna Dee got a denied, and Shantae was denied. 

Bayonetta had actually heard of Phoenix Wright before, she hadn’t met him, but knew of him from Ryu and Mega Man. They spoke rather highly of him.

Palutena cleared her throat hoping to draw the hand’s attention to them. He raised finger, wrote denied on an application featuring a purple clad plumber, and turned to them.

“AH! PALUTENA, BAYONETTA. GLAD TO SEE YOU COULD MAKE IT!” He gestured for them to take a seat, and a couch appeared out of nowhere.

“It’s no issue! We had just woken up anyways, what do you need?” Palutena had always been better at communicating in the morning, Bayonetta presumed it was because she was a goddess of light.

“RIGHT TO BUSINESS, HUH?” The hand nodded, or did a close approximation of nodding.

“I WON’T CUT CORNERS, OTHER FIGHTERS HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING ABOUT...NOISE FROM YOU TWO.”

If Bayonetta had a drink she would’ve choked. Palutena froze and turned red.

“NOW WHAT YOU TWO DO BEHIND DOORS IS OF NO BUSINESS TO ME, BUT WHEN IT’S DISTURBING OTHER COMBATANTS REST, I’M AFRAID I HAVE TO STEP IN.”

Palutena laughed awkwardly and Bayonetta coughed. Clearly the topic was one nobody truly wanted to breach. 

Palutena cleared her throat and turned away, but spoke anyways. “We, um, understand. We’ll keep it down from now on.”

“SPLENDID! NOW, GO GET SOME BREAKFAST, I RECALL YOU BOTH SAID YOU DIDN’T EAT.”

“Of course, Palutena, shall we head out?” Bayonetta spoke without embarrassment or shame, and Palutena envied her for it.

Palutena nodded and the two left. They heard Master Hand continue his previous work.

“The day I accept Waluigi’s application is the day I perish. Permanently for once.”

The two women laughed at that, the purple clad plumber was trapped in Assist Trophy Purgatory.

They got breakfast, and sat around. They hadn’t made plans for the day, and the conversation with Master Hand left them both feeling drained.

What was worse, was that most of the roster was avoiding them. Although, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

News of Master Hand’s talk had spread fast, it was supposedly the fault of Jigglypuff who told Mewtwo who translated it. The real question was how Jigglypuff found out.

After Bayonetta had spoken to Mewtwo who didn’t particularly care for any of this, Jigglypuff had heard because she was outside the office, she wanted to negotiate with Master Hand to obtain a buff.

“I can’t believe that little ball of cotton candy just had to gossip!” Bayonetta looked over to a clearly irritated Palutena. “Dear, may I remind you that you yourself gossip quite a bit?” 

Palutena struggled to respond. “I don’t talk about people’s sex life!” Bayonetta laughed, “Of course not, I never heard you tell Peach that you were positive you heard Daisy sneak Luigi into the women’s locker room to have a quickie.”

Palutena opened and closed her mouth. Bayonetta had caught her. “Love, you ‘talk about’ others more than anyone at this manor. Shall I continue?”

“No! I get the point.” Palutena pouted and turned from Bayonetta. “Don’t pout, a little chat between two girls is perfectly normal. You don’t spread rumors, and that’s what’s important.”

Palutena turned back to her, “Technically the Daisy and Luigi thing started as a rumor, but was confirmed when Mario asked Luigi and Luigi refused to look at him...”

She began to ramble on, Bayonetta realized where Pit got it from at least. 

Speaking of Pit, neither had seen him all day. “Palutena, terribly sorry to interrupt your rambling, but have you seen Pit at all today?”

“Pit? No, although I’m pretty sure Dark Pit said that he was going out with Mega Man and Lucas today to see a movie.”

Bayonetta nodded. “Ah, I remember Pit asking about that. I don’t know what they were going to see however.”

Palutena took a moment to think. “I’m not sure either.” She shrugged as she turned the TV on.

At some point during the show Daisy walked by and snickered slightly.

Bayonetta didn’t hesitate to call her out, “Don’t laugh at us over a noise complaint when you blew Luigi in a locker room.”

Daisy stopped walking and turned. “Hey! At least we knew how to keep it down, we didn’t keep anyone up. Unlike you two.”

Bayonetta scoffed and Palutena sunk further into the couch. “I find it hard to believe that you, Princess Daisy of Sarassaland knows how to be quiet. If memory serves me right Master Hand had a talk with you a month ago, was it?”

Daisy narrowed her eyes. “Fair enough, but can you back your talk in a match?!”

Palutena decided to speak up, “I’m sure we can settle this peacefully!”

Daisy held a hand up. “Quiet, we all know you aren’t at night.”

Bayonetta actually laughed, “She has you there dear.” Palutena looked shocked that Bayonetta agreed and sat back down, arms crossed.

“I can back what I say, I’ve lived for thousands of years and have triple the experience you do.” Bayonetta smiled confidently, thinking she had Daisy caught.

“You may have lived for thousands of years, but all that means is that your an old woman who doesn’t know when to stop!” Daisy smiled now.

Bayonetta was furious. “I’m not old, Battlefield. Now.” Daisy nodded, “Bring it on you hag.”

Palutena wished the couch could absorb her. Nonetheless, with the match official, Master Hand made the announcement.

“LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND BEASTS OF ALL CALIBER! WE HAVE A MATCH! THE CHALLENGER, BAYONETTA, WILL FACE DAISY! ANYONE WISHING TO SPECTATE SHOULD HEAD TO THE TRANSPORTER NOW!”

The match had a surprisingly good turn out. Peach, Luigi, Mario, Snake, Isabelle on Daisy’s side. Bayonetta had Rosalina, Samus, Little Mac, the Pit twins, and Palutena of course.

The match didn’t last long. Both competitors were angry at each other and fought tooth and nail. The match came down to the wire, but Bayonetta won by sending Madame Butterfly’s fist out in a last ditch effort.

“GAME! THE WINNER IS, BAYONETTA! WHAT A MATCH!” 

With that, the competitors were transported away to get checked, and the audience was sent back to the mansion.

“Good fight out there, it’s a shame it resulted from a petty argument.” Palutena joked as Bayonetta had her shoulder checked, she may have sprained it.

Bayonetta laughed lightly. “You once had a match with your son because he took your sandwich!”

“Pit had it coming! I made the perfect sandwich and he ate it!” They both laughed.

Daisy walked over and offered a handshake of goodwill. “You backed it up, congratulations!” Bayonetta took her hand and Daisy left after giving it the hardest shake Bayonetta ever experienced.

“At least she’s always a good sport.” Offered Palutena. Bayonetta nodded, “Yes, even if half her matched result from arguments.”

Bayonetta did in fact sprain her shoulder, and was instructed to ice it regularly for a few days.

Palutena and Bayonetta headed back to their room, where tonight no one would worry about lack of sleep.

The two women laid next to each other and fell asleep near instantaneously, they were both exhausted.

**Author's Note:**

> I will enjoy my five year old sense of humor until I die.


End file.
